Recently I was hanging out with my six and eight-year-old cousins in a park. After some minutes of watching (because that is what men mostly do, just watch and hope nothing goes wrong), I realized my cousins were playing with 5 other children. It was a bit unusual for me because they were not only interacting, like we do when we go to the supermarket or a store, but actually behaving like long time friends. There was camaraderie, help, and laughter. I have experience this as an adult only with my best friend. All these behaviors got me thinking. Why and how do young children make friends so easily?
Is there an age when we become less sociable? I think there is. Clearly children have the ability to make friends with ease, but as a result of what? Some studies suggests this is due to the lack of development of social awareness. Basically, children do not have to worry about what others think of them. They are who they are, and they do not worry about others' opinions. This is developed later on during the teenage years. That is when we start the unconscious lifelong comparison to other members of our community. When we start to think about (the lucky ones) where we want to go and be in our lives. So, we begin to classify things, we begin to classify people, we make groups of everything. I have read that this is a primitive defense mechanism. There is no doubt that we all feel safer in groups but could it be that we deal with life threat and social threats in the same way? is this what we the most evolved species on this planet have come up with?
Forming a self image, and personal group of beliefs and thoughts is part of our journey into adulthood. Unfortunately, this also means filling these beliefs with prejudice and grudges. We are morphed into believing certain things, at times without even questioning it. Be it the media that affects us or our community, but why do I immediately judge someone when they get on the train? Why do we all get a bit spooky when a arab-looking person gets on the plane? Why do we avoid sitting next to certain people on the train? Do kids do this?
It is clear that age affects us in many ways. As we grow old, we want to become a "respectful member of society". What the F*** does this even mean? I am pretty sure in some cultures Nelson Mandela was not a respectful member of society. A guy that spent twenty seven years in prison, at first glance, does not seem like a respectful member of society. So, under which measuring bar are we, well, measuring? And, first of all, why is there even a bar? Why do we have to compare?
Seems like there is not much we can do about prejudices. I have mentioned that with age comes self-image, your place in the community, and personal thoughts about society (whether these might be bias or not is another question), but I think with age also come relaxation or, for lack of a better word, laziness. Once, we know our place we do not do anything to modify it. Do we hit the cruise control and just enjoy the ride? I think many of us do, including myself. We become reluctant to change. Change is an arduous process that requires time and effort. Maybe, that is why we never ask ourselves to change some aspects of our life. Getting to know other cultures, other countries, or even as simple as other people seems a like too much energy demanding task.
I think one way to take a leap of faith and change your habits is to simply get out of your comfort zone. Which is easier said than done. But, it truly brings new points of view. For example, I am not a big fan of giving public speeches or presentations. In high school, when we were assigned group projects, I tried to never get the role of the speaker. Once in college, I started forcing myself into these roles. I attended classes like public speaking and communications. Slowly, I got better at it (Still, I am not comfortable at giving public speeches). Forcing myself to get out of my comfort zone has showed me that we are normally afraid because we think we are going to perform very bad. This is true. Yet, we seem to forget that you need to walk before you run. As we were babies giving our first steps, we fell and cried but we got up and tried to walk again. After many many tries, with or without help, we were able to walk. I guess we failed and failed, but were not scared of what others might think. We were constantly moving out of our comfort zone (I guess there is no better comfort zone than being held by your parents). So, this brings up the question: Is it possible that kids live in a place where the term "comfort zone" does not apply? If so, is this why it is so easy for them to make friends?
“Human relationships always help us to carry on because they always presuppose further developments, a future - and also because we live as if our only task was precisely to have relationships with other people.”
― Albert Camus
